Marriage Advice Better Than “Don’t Go To Bed Mad”

My husband and I celebrate 15 years of marriage today, and while that makes me feel giddy and proud, there is also something about the fact we have been marriage for that long, that is making me feel really…old. Like, really? Has it really be 15 years? Wow.

We have been through a lot in those 15 years.

The first 14 pretty much fell in the “for better” category.  When life is sailing along crisis-free, it’s easy to take life for granted. This year, with the tragic loss of my mom, we have been undoubtedly been through “for worse”. Yet, he has stood by my side every step. God bless him.

For all the awful things I am going through grieving the loss of my mom, I think how awful it must be for him, to always being the strong one while watching your wife grieve. But we made it through, and we are still making it through. Witnessing his commitment to us has strengthened us. It might be one of the silver linings, we are stronger as a result of this “for worse” year. Nothing tests a relationship like crisis.

Marriage Advice

Photo cred: Melissa Wilson

 

My mom and I had the time of our life planning our wedding back in 2001. We were two peas-in-a-pod with our love for parties, celebrations and “cute details”.  The wedding was the party to end all parties for both of us and we had SO much fun together.

After the wedding, she gave me as a gift, a secret journal she kept starting with the day we got engaged. In it, she documented all the details of the engagement, planning and wedding and all the things we did together.

At the end of the journal, my parents both shared their tips and advice on marriage. My parents were married 46 years and were one of those couples that had something special. They were genuinely, truly happy together.

Here they are on August 16th, 1969…

10

So my hubby and I turn 10 years old today.

I actually had to scan this photo because when we got married digital photography wasn’t really the mainstream yet. Doesn’t that seem weird?

In a way that day feels like yesterday and it a way it feels like a lifetime ago. But, one thing I know for sure – that is the last time we walked hand in hand on the beach in formal wear like that and the last time I donned a tiara! 🙂

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5 Tips for a Successful Relationship by Lesley Malik, M.A. MFT

Before kids, I never used to get when people said “marriage takes work” because my husband and I were so compatible our relationship used to feel effortless.

But those were the days when, just for an example, we would sleep in on Saturday morning, have breakfast together, read the paper, maybe go for a bike ride or go grocery shopping together, hit a movie, go to a home store to buy stuff to work on our house, make dinner together or maybe go out for dinner and drinks, you get the idea.

Every weekend, all weekend it was just the two of us. And what that meant was we had a lot of TIME to focus on each other, talk and connect. No wonder it felt so easy!

Now after kids, I can absolutely see how marriage does take work. Anyone else feel the same?

There are stretches of time when I feel like we are both totally immersed in “Operation Scheumann Household.” We are a cooperative team focused on everything we need to do to take care of the kids and our household. Kids, activities, cleaning, shopping, birthday parties, organizing, work, bills, etc. etc. And unfortunately “Operation Scheumann Marriage” is often a neglected mission.

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